Hi

Today I am a bit emotional and that makes me wanna write since I don't have anyone to talk to pun. I don't know why I choose this weird topic to be written but I have been keepin this for quite a while and the best way to let it go is through this medium. I know some people will be so judgemental but I don't care anymore because I am going to say what I wanna say.

Usually a few times in a month I will have this uneasy or maybe a feeling that makes me feel so lonely where I could not do anything. Anything at all. I can't even watch a drama (my all time favorite thing to do) , I can't even look or think of my assignment (which I will usually really excited to start), or even have appetite to eat. Well... I don't know what is wrong but during those days, you (anyone I close to) will get my call so suddenly or maybe got my text saying that I want to talk to you. But what's worse is most of the time when that happens, no one could be with me. Everyone usually has their own thing to do on that day and so I will be left alone la.

Today, I feel that same thing and I could not call anyone sebab semua orang ada life sendiri bukan macam I yang takda life ni. I called Amalin a for a while but she cuts it off because she needs to settle up her laundry thing and I could not talk to Aisyah since we have already talked in the morning. I was fine then because she called when I was doing my 3D assignment but that was in the morning. Ntahla I don't even understand myself I don't know why. Also I am so close with Biha and I have called her too for 10 mins kot bcs I need to solat zohor before asar masuk waktu. Shamira pula tengah break easter and she is in London instead of Sheffield so I cannot disturb her as much la. I called Aida, Zarifah but no answer. Then I tried to have a conversation with my all time savior la but he also could not talk to me. I'm sad sumpah but I need to get away with this feeling so I said I am fine. That is how I usually settle things up. I will say I'm doing good although I am not. Mesti korang cakap "typical perempuan la dia ni" but you don't understand. I actually do that to lure myself so that I will follow what I say; for this case, so that I will be fine. Also, I do that to understand people. Selalunya la I cakap je okay tapi tak pun but eventually, at the end of the day I actually understand the people la because I will try to find the rationale. I am pretty much so understanding la I could say but you guys kena la juga try faham why I always need korang semua. These are the reasons why I actually need you people in my life:

1) I need to talk to people because I need people to understand me
2) Because I have a lot to say about everything
3) Because I cannot keep everything I want to say in ma heart and mind since I will have new things to say every minute and it will make myself overwhelmed if I keep them by myself.
4) I don't have a mat salleh bestfriend because I only have hi hi bye bye punya kawan which are mostly my classmates. Also most of them are international students sebab international lagi kaya dari mat salleh. Pastu takkan tiba tiba aku nak borak pasal thinker studios punya video pulak kat dyorang kan ewww no...
5) I need to speak malay guys understand me plz. I even listen to less english songs here in the us but in Malaysia they are my favorite. I can't even listen to malay songs in Malaysia... it's weird but I feel irritated la. Dekat sini I dengar melayu sangat sangat..

So itulah.. You know now kan.. Sometimes it could be because I miss you guys. I always miss ni a lot these days I know I am weird but what can I do. Also I miss Shamira everytime I have a conversation with the guy from UK too bcs she is there. Kadang kadang I miss Iman Aida Aina Nisa semua la tapi semua busy.

Tu jela untuk post harini. Thank you for reading my honest thoughts. I hope I can understand people better and I hopee.. people can understand me too. Be in my shoes and you will know how it feels like to be me.